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July 13, 2022
Title: Churches and Sexual Abuse
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Basyle “Boz” Tchividjian
with Boz Law (www.bozlawpa.com/)
Part 1 of 3
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed may be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
New guest Basyle “Boz” Tchividjian is the author of “Invitation: Billy Graham and the Lives God Touched” and the mini-book “Protecting Children from Abuse in the Church”. He is also the co-author of “The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide”.
Today, Boz, the third eldest grandchild of Reverend Billy Graham, reveals some of the signs to look for in a child who has been sexually abused. He also discusses grooming, child sexual predators, and what the church must do to help victims and prevent sexual abuse within their sanctuary walls.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
Are 1-in-4 girls and 1-in-6 boys sexually abused before they turn 18? Boz explains that kids within the church are not exempt from this danger and horrific statistic.
Must churches step up and do more to protect the children who come through their doors?
What does a child sexual-abuser look like? Can they look like anyone?
What are some indicators that a child or teen is being sexually abused? Boz discusses aggressive behavior (not necessarily sexual behavior). He also stresses the importance of not dismissing or minimizing facts when a child expresses that they have been sexually abused.
Do many sexually abused children become abusers themselves?
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Title: Part 2 of 3 - Churches and Sexual Abuse
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Basyle “Boz” Tchividjian
with Boz Law (www.bozlawpa.com/)
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed may be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
Must we educate the Christian community about the prevalence of child abuse and
those who perpetrate such abuse? “We have no choice but to do that,” Boz says,
reminding us that Jesus’ most condemning words were for those who harmed or
neglected children.
Is child sexual abuse 75Xs more common than pediatric cancer?
TRUE OF FALSE: According to the Department of Justice, there is one child
molester per square mile in the United States. Boz recommends parents research
online how many sex offenders live in their neighborhood. Click
here if you live in
Texas.
Do most abusers only have one victim? Or do most abusers have multiple victims?
How many children between ages ten and seventeen have been sexually solicited
online?
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Title: Part 3 of 3 - Churches and Sexual Abuse
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Basyle “Boz” Tchividjian
with Boz Law (www.bozlawpa.com/)
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed may be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
Are there common characteristics of sexual abusers? Boz believes that people
need to focus more on how the church can help victims than who the abusers are.
Do sexual abusers often pick out a victim and take time to groom him/her? Boz
hates to admit it, but people in the church are too trusting! Listen as he
explains why…
What is the church’s responsibility when it comes to screening volunteers and
staff members? Can the church be held legally responsible if they do not screen
properly? Disclaimer: Please do not construe any statement made during this
interview as legal advice. Always consult your attorney for advice on this and
other legal issues.
Can churches use “The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide”.
to help implement safeguards and protect their kids and teens from sexual abuse
within their sanctuary walls?
Is it an invasion of privacy for a church to review volunteers’ and staff
members’ social media accounts?
Why is Boz such an advocate for children and teenagers on this issue? Click
here to learn more about GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in
the Christian Environment).
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February 8, 2018
Title: Protecting our Children from Sexual Abuse
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Geremy Keeton
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young
children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to
understand.
How can parents protect their children from sexual abuse, especially by a
trusted adult? Geremy Keeton is the Director of Counseling at Focus on the
Family. Listen as he offers some wisdom and advice on how to handle these
tough situations.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
What is the best way parents can protect their children from sexual abuse?
Geremy Keeton says open conversation is key…
Do parents really need to be on guard with every person their children may come
in contact with – from the doctor to the soccer/gym coach to the Sunday School
teacher?
Is there ever an appropriate situation when a doctor should need to speak to or
consult a child without a parent being present?
How can parents know they can trust a tutor or academic professional who may
have one-on-one contact with their child?
Should public schools begin implementing new procedures in their clinics when a
nurse would have close contact with a child without another adult present?
What are some situations that a parent should be mindful of when a medical
professional is with their child?
Click here
for more information about the book “God Made All of Me”. There is also
a FREE download available that is appropriate for older children called “Having
the Talk” that is available through Focus on the Family, as well.
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August 24, 2016
Title: Advice for “The Talk” with your Kids
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Geremy Keeton
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
The Red Flags are there: Protecting children from sexual assault. Every two minutes an American is sexually assaulted. And every eight minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only six out of every one thousand perpetrators will end up in prison.
New guest Geremy Keeton is the Director of Focus on the Family’s counseling department and a licensed marriage and family therapist. Today, he offers some advice to parents on how to get the “sex talk” started with your children.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
The CDC reports that one out of four girls and one out of six boys will be sexually assaulted before their eighteenth birthday. How accurate are these statistics?
What terms should parents use when parents talk to their kids about sexual touching? Some terms can be confusing to children, and this topic is often intimidating to parents. It’s hard for everyone! There are some great resources on the
Focus on the Family website. One free “having the talk” download can be
found here.
Geremy Keeton also recommends rehearsing these three steps with your children, even toddlers: say no, walk or run away, and always talk to mom or dad. He also offers some situations where you can you rehearse this with your children.
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June 28, 2016
Title: Advice for “The Talk” with your Kids
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Geremy Keeton
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
The Red Flags are there: Protecting children from sexual assault. Every two minutes an American is sexually assaulted. And every eight minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only six out of every one thousand perpetrators will end up in prison.
New guest Geremy Keeton is the Director of Focus on the Family’s counseling department and a licensed marriage and family therapist. Today, he offers some advice to parents on how to get the “sex talk” started with your children.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
The CDC reports that one out of four girls and one out of six boys will be sexually assaulted before their eighteenth birthday. How accurate are these statistics?
What terms should parents use when parents talk to their kids about sexual touching? Some terms can be confusing to children, and this topic is often intimidating to parents. It’s hard for everyone! There are some great resources on the
Focus on the Family website. One free “having the talk” download can be
found here.
Geremy Keeton also recommends rehearsing these three steps with your children, even toddlers: say no, walk or run away, and always talk to mom or dad. He also offers some situations where you can you rehearse this with your children.
More from this Guest More on this Topic More from this Organization
November 17, 2015
Title: Keeping your Child Safe
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Justin Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Part 1 of 3
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
Justin and Lindsay Holcomb are a husband and wife team who offer practical advice for parents when discussing sex and sexual abuse with their children. This is one of those topics which parents often shy away from, but is probably the most important conversation parents should have with their children starting at a young age.
Parents, please do not wait until it is too late. Focus on the Family research reveals that one-in-four boys and one-in-three girls will be sexually abused before they are eighteen years old. Are your children safe? Are they protected? Do they know what is appropriate and not appropriate touching? Do you think your child would tell you if he/she was sexually abused?
Justin has young children. He understands the need for this conversation to be timely and well-planned. The first suggestion Justin offers is to explain to your child that he/she is special to God. He made their body; all parts are good but some parts are “special”. Listen in as Justin explains how this is the “foundation for them to understand themselves in God’s world.”
Also discussed in this segment is the importance of using the proper name for private body parts. “Some body parts are for sharing and some body parts are for private,” Justin says. It’s important for children to know the names of those “special” body parts and why they are private. Perpetrators are going to play games with children and make their “special” body parts seem fun. Justin suggests not using “fun” names for private body parts for this very reason.
Children need to know the truth from the beginning at a very young age. This builds a line of communication with your child about all topics, not just sex. Be open with him/her about the importance of being honest when someone touches their body inappropriately. Assure your child that he/she will never be in trouble; rather, you are proud they told the truth! Justin discusses this further in the next segment, so listen in! Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
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Title: Part 2 of 3 - Keeping your Child Safe
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Justin Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
When and where is it ok for another person to touch you? Justin advices parents
to explain to their children who is allowed to touch a private body part and
when it is allowed. For example, when mom or dad is helping to go to the
bathroom or taking a bath or a doctor is doing an examination with mom or dad in
the room. Justin advises against using the words “good touch” and “bad
touch” because a bad touch can often “feel” good. Listen in as he
gives other possible word suggestions to use.
Parents also shouldn’t expect their children to maintain adult emotions. This is
true with every aspect of a child’s life, but especially should be recognized
when dealing with physical touching, such as hugging or kissing someone. This
might seem a little harsh when we, as adults, want to hug or kiss our children,
but Justin has a very good reason why we should be receptive to our children in
this matter. Listen in as he explains.
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Title: Part 3 of 3 - Keeping your Child Safe
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Justin Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
Do you allow your children to have “secrets” or “play doctor”? Well, stop both
immediately! Justin says, “Secret is not a word to talk about. Replace it with
surprise. Perpetrators will use the word ‘secret’.” As for “playing doctor”…This
one is a little more complicated. Listen in as Justin explains what children
should play instead.
Justin stresses the importance of discussing with your children who they can
trust and why it is so important to tell the truth when sexual abuse occurs. Try
not to get angry when your child does something wrong that is minor, such as
breaking a toy or spilling their juice. If you get angry over the little things,
they won’t trust you when it is something that really matters, such as sexual
abuse.
Listen to the next two segments with Justin’s wife, Lindsay, as she discusses
this issue further and offers helpful advice for those who may already be
suffering.
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Title: Keeping your Child Safe
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Lindsey Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Part 1 of 2
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
Lindsay Holcomb is the wife of Justin Holcomb. Lindsay is here to give the
female/mother perspective of the sensitive, yet important, topic of sexual abuse
in children. Their goal is to help parents talk to their children about sex and
sexual abuse in a way that children always feel safe and protected.
Lindsay starts off the segment by talking about the “What If” game. She
believes it is important to discuss different scenarios with children to gauge
how well they understand appropriate and inappropriate touches. Children usually
have one specific thing they just absolutely love. If someone (a stranger or a
person they know) offers your child that gift in exchange for a “secret
meeting”, it might be hard for him/her to resist, unless you’ve set the
boundaries in place beforehand. Listen in as she gives specific examples for
parents to use when teaching children about sexual abuse.
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Title: Part 2 of 2 - Keeping your Child Safe
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Lindsey Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
Too many children are being sexually abused, many at sleepovers and even some at
church. It is a sad reality, but it is one that can be avoided with your
children if you take the necessary steps while they are young. You might be
uncomfortable; they might not understand everything right away. Lindsay Holcomb
warns against obsessing over the topic, but stresses the importance of having
more than one short conversation.
Lindsay also advises against using the word “secret” with your child.
Don’t allow your children to keep secrets from you or even have secrets among
their friends. Perpetrators will often threaten the child if he/she tells anyone
their “secret”. Children need to be assured that they can tell their
parents anything, especially if he/she thinks a person has touched them
inappropriately.
Also discussed in this segment with Lindsay are ways to heal after sexual abuse
has occurred. First, let your child know you are glad he/she told you the truth
and that you believe what they have told you. Assure your child that they are
not to be blamed in any way. “Don’t investigate on your own. Let detectives
do that. You don’t want to unintentionally give your children any answers that
might hinder the investigation,” Lindsay says.
Even adults who were abused as children should seek counseling. It’s never too
late. “This isn’t the end of your story. Evil does not win. Jesus wins,”
Lindsay declares. If you or someone you know need to talk to someone about
sexual abuse, please contact the professionals at
Rainn. Get help today.
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September 16, 2015
Title: God Made All of Me
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Justin Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Part 1 of 3
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
Everyone, young and old, needs to know how to say NO to an appropriate touch. It’s okay to say NO to anyone, even if the unwanted touch comes from someone they know. Kids, especially, need to know that they are not bad and they will not get in trouble if someone touches them in an inappropriate way.
Justin Holcomb is the husband of Lindsey Holcomb, who was on the
What’s UP Radio Program yesterday. Together, Justin and Lindsey conduct a variety of training seminars to service providers, churches, and other organizations on how to prevent, recognize, and respond to child, sexual, and domestic abuse. They have a written a great book
God Made All Of Me for younger children aged two-eight, which helps explain appropriate and inappropriate touching in a child-friendly manner.
One in five children will be sexually abused by the time they reach the age of eighteen, usually by someone they know. It’s not about “stranger danger” anymore. About thirty-five percent of sexual predators are family members; roughly sixty percent are coaches, teachers, friends, or friends parents. Only the remaining five
to seven percent are strangers.
However, Justin says, “More alarming than the statistics (about child sexual abuse) are the effects.” Oftentimes, when sexual abuse occurs in a child, they become curious themselves and therefore abuse others. Listen in as Justin discusses this behavior and also explains more about why he and his wife wrote “God Made All of Me”.
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Title: Part 2 of 3 - God Made All of Me
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Justin Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young
children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to
understand.
Talking about sexual abuse with children is a necessity. Before your child goes
to a sleepover, they need to know the difference between an appropriate touch
and an inappropriate touch. Justin continues to discuss the alarming statistics
in this second segment and how many children will abuse others after they
themselves have been abused. “If we can do more to prevent that from
happening…that is why we wrote this book,” Justin says.
One concept Justin and Lindsey cover in “God Made All of Me” is protecting the
parts of the body that swimsuit covers. Some parts of their body are for sharing
with others and other parts are not. This is easy for children to understand.
Justin also points out that it is important to use the proper names of body
parts with children. Nicknames are okay, but perpetrators will often use
nicknames to play a game.
Justin also discusses why using the words “appropriate” and “inappropriate” are
better than the words “good” or “bad”. Sometimes a “bad” touch can feel “good”
so children will think the touch is acceptable; it can be very confusing. “Even
if the touch is not on a private part of their body, if they don’t like the
touch it’s okay to say NO to that as well,” Justin conveys. Listen in as he
elaborates on this.
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Title: Part 3 of 3 - God Made All of Me
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Justin Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young
children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to
understand.
God made us in His image. Our children need to know that we are all precious in
His sight and that our bodies are important and sacred. Once a child has been
sexually abused, their innocence is shattered. When the abuse is at the hand of
a family member or someone they know and trust, children feel betrayed, afraid,
and angry. Many times they focus that betrayal, fear, and anger toward other
children in a sexual manner.
In this final segment, Justin offers some great advice to parents on how to get
this vital conversation started with their children, no matter what age the
child is. At the end of God Made All
of Me there is a section entitled “Nine Ways to Protect your
Child from Sexual Abuse”. The book is not just about pictures and funny
names of body parts. It really and truly helps parents explain to their children
the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touches.
Justin also advises parents to not play detective if you suspect your child has
been sexually abused. Immediately report the abuse to the police or a child
sexual abuse hotline. Listen in as he explains your options to get the necessary
help for your child.
Justin and his wife, Lindsey, are also actively involved with the organization
G.R.A.C.E. Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments. GRACE
seeks to empower the Christian community through education and training about
child sexual abuse. You can learn more [here].
More from this Guest More on this Topic More from this Organization
September 15, 2015
Title: God Made All of Me
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Lindsey Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Part 1 of 3
Disclaimer: Use caution when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
It’s hard to talk to our children about sex, but it is a necessity, especially in today’s culture.
Lindsey Holcomb
and her husband, Justin, want to make it easier for parents to talk their kids about this issue. They stress how vital it is to begin these talks while they are young. Don’t wait until it is too late.
The focus of today’s interview with Lindsey is “child sex abuse”. Lindsey is a former case manager at a
Sexual Assault Crisis Center and Domestic Violence Shelter. The majority of child sexual assault cases happen between people who know each other, not complete strangers. Yes, teaching kids about “Stranger Danger” is important, but we also need to teach them what unwanted sexual touching entails.
Lindsey has seen the devastating and long-lasting effects child sexual abuse has on adults. Listen in as she discusses the common theme in nearly all adult cases she has assisted with. “This happens in our communities, no matter your economic level, church denomination, or race. It’s not about the stranger in the bushes anymore,” she says.
This is why Lindsey and her husband, Justin, wrote
God Made All of Me.
Share these three segments with your family and friends so they can be better equipped to talk their kids about sexual abuse.
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Title: Part 2 of 3 - God Made All of Me
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Lindsey Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Disclaimer: Use caution
when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be
upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
Which would you rather endure: A few hours of awkward conversation over sex and
abuse with your child/teen or years’ worth of heartache knowing you could have
prevented a horrible experience in their life? It is worth it, friends. For your
child’s purity and innocence. It is worth every minute of awkward silence, every
eye roll, and every weird question you don’t have the answer to.
Lindsey Holcomb, says “The purpose of their book
God Made All of Me is not to
instill fear (in a child), but confidence and empowerment over their body.”
Early intervention is important, but if you haven’t begun the conversation yet
and your children are older, don’t despair! Sit them down, apologize, and tell
them the truth. Yes, they might be embarrassed or say “Mom, I know that!”
but don’t shy away!
The numbers don’t lie. Child sexual abuse is real and it is happening all around
us. It is not fear-mongering. Parents are not being mean if they don’t allow
their children to sleep over at someone’s house. It is being safe and cautious
and showing our kids we truly love and value them and want to protect them. If
you do allow your children to attend sleepovers, make sure you stress the
importance of the “no-touching zone”. When your child arrives back home, ask questions and make sure they were safe the entire time. If anything – anything – seems off to you, dig deeper and get answers. Don’t ignore it.
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Title: Part 3 of 3 - God Made All of Me
Topic: Child Sexual Abuse
Discussed by Lindsey Holcomb
with God Made All of Me (www.GodMadeAllOfMe.com)
Disclaimer: Use caution
when listening to this segment around young children. Issues discussed might be
upsetting or hard for little ones to understand.
One of the biggest differences in Lindsey and Justin’s book
God Made All of Me is the
use of the words “appropriate” and “inappropriate”. Often
times, when we think of the words “good” or “bad” we associate
them with “us” – that felt good, so it must be ok. Or, a child might
know something is “bad” so then they think they are bad, too. Listen in
as Lindsey explains the difference.
Kids deserve a voice, especially when they feel uncomfortable in situations.
Lindsey calls this “Personal Safety Education”. If your child doesn’t
want to hug someone, encourage them to give a high-five. Or maybe someone (an
adult, teen, or child) touches their leg too often and it makes them feel “weird”.
Don’t push away those feelings; talk to your child and the other person about
boundaries. It’s important that your children know the word “no”
and that it is ok to tell someone to stop doing something. Also, don’t ever tell
your child that you don’t believe them. Once they start believing you won’t
listen, they’ll stop talking.
Lindsey Holcomb also talks about the organization G.R.A.C.E. Godly
Response to Abuse in Christian Environments. GRACE seeks to empower the
Christian community through education and training about child sexual abuse. You
can learn more [here].
More from this Guest More on this Topic More from this Organization