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May 3, 2023
Title: The Secret to Happy Relationships
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Research shows that a simple “Thank
You” can do wonders for relationships.
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at
Focus on the Family. Today, Dr. Smalley offers some great advice for people who are experiencing strained relationships, especially married couples.
Click
here for more about Dr. Greg Smalley.
Click here for helpful tips and encouragement on marriage issues from
Focus on the Family.
Click here to help support
Focus on the Family as they continue to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ worldwide.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
How can saying “thank you” heal wounds and build bridges between two individuals?
Does research show that we say “thank you” more often to strangers than we do our own spouse/loved ones? Dr. Smalley explains why most people are on their “best behavior” around strangers and often treat their loved ones with less respect and love. He also discusses two elements of gratitude in marriage: acknowledgement and affirmation.
When we audibly say “thank you” should we watch our tone and be 100% sincere and genuine?
How can couples say “thank you” to their spouse? Dr. Smalley says to brag on your spouse to others! Your spouse may never even know, but others will! He also suggests complimenting your spouse first thing every morning.
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September 29, 2022
Title: Improve Your Marriage NOW
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Marriage at Focus on
the Family. Today, Dr. Smalley discusses why being present can make or break a marriage, offering advice on what couples can do to reconnect after the distance between them has already grown.
Click
here for more from Dr. Greg Smalley on this and other marriage issues.
Click
here to order a copy of Dr. Smalley’s new book, “The Marriage You’ve Always Dreamed Of”.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
Why did Gisele Bundchen, Tom Brady’s wife, say that his playing football negatively impacts their family?
Can lack of spending time together negatively impact a marriage? Dr. Smalley believes that the last thing couples think about when they get married is loneliness, but it is present in every marriage at some point or another – even his own!
What does it mean to be present with your spouse? How can couples reconnect today?
1. Take a minimum of 10 minutes every single day to talk, even if it’s a long-distance facetime call.
2. Discuss your high and low of the day.
3. Protect your fun time. Don’t talk about serious matters on a date.
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Title: Surviving Marriage Living with a Football-Holic
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
It's that time of year again – changing leaves, cooler temperatures, and football.
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Marriage at Focus on the Family. Today, he discusses a topic that many spouses across the country could use help with: Football addiction.
Click here for more marriage advice from
Focus on the Family. And
here:
Questions/Issues Discussed:
Are there really spouses that don’t like sports, specifically football?
What is a “football widow”? Dr. Smalley admits that football has even affected his own marriage. How did he fix it?
How can a husband or wife approach the football subject with their spouse?
What can couples do to reduce the friction during football season? Dr. Smalley discusses how the fan should practice moderation and the non-fan can practice toleration. He shares that his wife will even watch a game with him from time-to-time, simply so they can spend time together. He also says both spouses need to be present at all times; that is key.
Can there really be a compromise somewhere in this struggle?
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April 12, 2022
Title: Supporting Your Spouse Through Thick and Thin
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
You may not know who walked away with an Oscar the other night, but you probably didn’t escape the news that actor Will Smith defended his wife, Jada, in a packed auditorium.
While many couples won’t find themselves in situations involving physical altercations, what spouse doesn’t want to know that they have a “wingman” to do life with?
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at
Focus on the Family. Today he discusses when, where, and why to defend your spouse. Dr. Smalley says: “Always be your spouse’s wingman. Be your spouse’s ally, shield, and advocate. You are each other’s helpmate.”
Click
here to read the opinion article on this topic.
Click
here for more on Dr. Greg Smalley.
Click here for other marriage help from
Focus on the Family.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
What’s the difference between a helpmate and a wingman?
Why does Dr. Smalley believe spouses should set boundaries? Dr. Smalley explains that there is also a difference between “standing by” his wife and “standing up” for her, using his own son as an example…
Should we always defend our spouse in public? Or should it be done in private?
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November 24, 2021
Title: What’s Love, Anyway?
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Many families go around the Thanksgiving table each year and share what they’re thankful for. Some say their health, others say their job, or maybe a fun life experience they recently had. But how many say their spouse? The holiday season isn’t the only time you can show gratefulness to your spouse.
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Marriage at Focus on the Family. Today he discusses the importance of telling and showing others that we love and cherish them.
Click here for more marriage tips and advice from
Focus on the Family.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
How does Dr. Smalley show his wife that he loves her?
What is a “cherish list”? Why did Greg’s father have a cherish list? This is a really sweet story…
Why should we write down what we cherish about others and share the list with them?
Why is it important to cherish our loved ones year-round?
Can showing others we cherish them transform not only their life but our life, too?
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October 4, 2021
Title: Surviving Marriage Living with a Football-Holic
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
It's that time of year again – changing leaves, cooler temperatures, and football.
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Marriage at Focus on the Family. Today, he discusses a topic that many spouses across the country could use help with: Football addiction.
Click here for more marriage advice from
Focus on the Family. And
here:
Questions/Issues Discussed:
Are there really spouses that don’t like sports, specifically football?
What is a “football widow”? Dr. Smalley admits that football has even affected his own marriage. How did he fix it?
How can a husband or wife approach the football subject with their spouse?
What can couples do to reduce the friction during football season? Dr. Smalley discusses how the fan should practice moderation and the non-fan can practice toleration. He shares that his wife will even watch a game with him from time-to-time, simply so they can spend time together. He also says both spouses need to be present at all times; that is key.
Can there really be a compromise somewhere in this struggle?
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June 7, 2021
Title: Bill and Melinda Gates: Marriage Role Models?
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
If media accounts are correct, Bill Gates took vacations each year with his ex-girlfriend. Was Melinda Gates okay with that? Did they have a husband-wife agreement that they did not have to be faithful?
Dr. Greg Smalley is a licensed therapist and author. As the Vice President of Marriage at
Focus on the Family, Greg develops and oversees initiatives that prepare individuals for marriage and helps couples in marital crises.
Click
here for more on this topic from Dr. Smalley.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
Is marriage infidelity too common today?
How did Billy Graham and Mike Pence deal with meeting with someone of the opposite sex?
Is it possible for a married couple to have friends of the opposite sex? Dr. Smalley says yes, but with some important qualifiers. He also admits, as a married man, that he could never be friends with another woman. Listen as he explains…
What steps should amarried person take to avoid meeting alone with someone of the opposite sex?
Why is it absolutely necessary – and critical – for couples to have this discussion? “It’s easy to become angry, defensive; or dismissive. And trust me, I know all about how these talks can go wrong because I’ve had them more than once in my own marriage,” Greg Smalley recently wrote.
To speak to a licensed counselor at Focus on the Family, call 1.800.A.FAMILY.
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April 1, 2020
Title: Keeping Your Marriage Strong During the Coronavirus
Topic: Coronavirus
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
How is your marriage holding up during the Coronavirus quarantine? All couples struggle at times and being stuck in a house (probably with children!) can test even the best marriage.
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Marriage with Focus on the Family. Today he offers some practical advice every couple should listen to.
Questions/Issues Discussed:
How can “forced togetherness” impact marriages and even our relationships with our children?
Even Greg’s patience has been tested! Listen as he shares a funny story about his daughter accusing him of being a “humus thief” while he was on a live Zoom conference call!
Is it important to schedule time alone?
Why should everyone, including children, be willing to adjust expectations?
How can couples “argue differently”? Greg believes that it is important to determine what is big and what is little…and let the little stuff go.
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January 28, 2016
Title: Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Part 1 of 3
Avoiding conflict is the worst thing you can do for your marriage.
Research show that one of the best predictors for marital success is when couples work through their problems and use conflict as the doorway to deeper intimacy and connection. It’s important, however, to fight in a “better” way.
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Family Ministries with Focus on the Family where he helps couples whose marriages are in crisis. Couples are going to fight. There is no doubt about that. “God created us differently. There will be conflict,” Dr. Smalley declares. “We don’t like conflict, but avoiding it really is one of the worst things a couple can do.”
How couples fight makes all the difference. “Conflict is great for a marriage, but combat is bad,” he likes to tell couples. Listen in as he explains this statement and why he believes it is actually a great opportunity for couples to grow stronger.
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Title: Part 2 of 3 - Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
When is the best time to fight? We all know it’s not
in the heat of the moment, but this is often when most fights occur. “There
are circumstances that absolutely will create a difficult experience when we try
to talk through conflict,” Dr. Smalley states.
He has an acronym he likes to use: “HALT”. Hunger. Angry. Lonely. Tired. These
are all the worst times to talk through a conflict. It’s always best to wait
until you’re rested and not hungry to talk about issues. Obviously, if you’re
already angry you need to let the moment pass and wait until you both have
calmer spirits. If you’re feeling lonely or unloved at that moment, pause and
pray about what you will say. We often say things we absolutely do not mean and
ultimately regret in all of these situations.
It might seem silly, but try to schedule a time to fight! Yes! Schedule a fight!
Instead of hashing it out in the moment, stop and tell your spouse it’s time to
walk away and talk about it tomorrow night. Go out to dinner or coffee and talk
about it then. “By doing that you’re not being impulsive,” Dr. Smalley
points out. Don’t force the conversation and the resolution right then. This
also gives you both time to think about the conflict – to pray for clarity and
peace from God over the situation.
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Title: Part 3 of 3 - Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage
Topic: Marriage
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
“When you feel wounded, you are dangerous! You’re going to behave
differently than Christ wants you to behave,” Dr. Greg Smalley warns us.
You are like a rolly-polly bug: You’re just crawling along the sidewalk, minding
your own business. But when you feel threatened, you roll up into a ball and
hide. This is dangerous behavior because you never confront the issue.
Couples often ask Dr. Smalley, “Well, ‘where’ should we fight then?”
Dr. Greg shares some “ground rules” for effective fighting. His first response
is to fight with an open heart – after you have prayed, listened to some praise
and worship music, or watched a funny TV show to help clear your mind of the
argument. Listen in as he explains this further and what real sacrifice in
marriage looks like.
Dr. Smalley also warns parents to not shy away from fighting in front of their
children – in a healthy manner, of course; not the screaming and yelling kind of
fight. “They need to know it’s normal. They need to see you resolve your
differences,” he believes. It brings kids into the discussion, especially
if the problem involves them. It shows them how a healthy marriage is really
supposed to be.
You can order a copy of Dr. Greg Smalley’s book “Fight
Your Way to a Better Marriage” on Amazon.
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November 10, 2015
Title: The Divorce No One Sees Coming
Topic: Divorce in the Church
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Part 1 of 2
A recent study by
LifeWay Research reveals that many troubled marriages within the church go completely unnoticed.
After all, we’re Christians and our lives are supposed to be perfect, right?
When Christian couples begin to experience a disconnected feeling with each
other in their marriage, they oftentimes do not let anyone know – not even their
close friends. They may feel embarrassed or think no one will understand. Further studies show that pastors believe their church is a safe place to get marital support and help. Married couples believe this to be true, as well. But factor in people who are divorced and this number decreases dramatically.
Dr. Greg Smalley is the Vice President of Family Ministries within Focus on the Family. “Many couples look happily married,” he says, Many not only attend church together regularly, but also served in various capacities throughout the church, as well. Even though the divorce rate within the church is nearly the same for couples with no religious affiliation, this revelation was very surprising to Dr. Smalley. He strongly urges couples to join a couple’s small group to strengthen your marriage. But, even Dr. Smalley agrees that sometimes that just isn’t enough.
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Title: Part 2 of 2 - The Divorce No One Sees Coming
Topic: Divorce in the Church
Discussed by Dr. Greg Smalley
with Focus on the Family www.Family.org
Research shows that many couples only talk to each other for four
minutes every day. Four minutes. How much time do you spend
looking on Facebook or watching the news at night? Wouldn’t spending that time
actually talking to your spouse be better?
What is your church doing to reach out to couples? Do they offer counseling
services? Do they offer marital classes or Bible study groups? Dr. Greg Smalley
continues to discuss the recent survey results from LifeWay Research
concerning marriage, divorce, and the church. Thirty-one percent of couples did
not tell anyone in their church that they were experiencing marital problems.
Everyone has problems. No marriage is perfect. In fact, most are far from
perfect. The difference, however, between healthy marriages and the rocky
marriages is communication.
Dr. Smalley says, “We need to let couples know that it’s okay to have a
fight. It’s okay to let others know you’re hurting.” Don’t pretend. Don’t
fake it. Be honest with each other. Don’t go through it alone. Most pastors
believe their church has plenty of excellent resources, like counseling or
marriage classes, to help couples regain control of the marriage. However, the
majority of divorced couples were never aware their church even had those
services! This needs to change – quickly.
On February 14, 2016, Dr. Greg Smalley and his wife will be hosting another
“Honoring
Marriage Event”. It is a national event based on Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage
should be honored by all.” Listen in as Dr. Smalley explains why they
believe it is important to incorporate ALL members of a family in marriage, not
just mom and dad.
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